Safety in the office

"Safety in the Office" involves taking precautions in preventing people from being decapitated by paper cuts.

Office staff should refrain from sharpening their pencils too much to prevent them from suddenly becoming lethal projectiles when they fly into peoples' heads.

Please use paper shredder to cut your hair with care. To prevent accidents, it is advisable to not be in vicinity of any pieces of paper when using the paper shredder, to prevent from being decapitated by papercut and have one's head shredded during a haircut.

Small electronic office equipment with processors, such as calculators and notebook computers, should be stored properly when not in use to prevent accidental transformation into cruise missiles or evil sentient supercomputers that capture humans and harness their power as their energy source.

Take note of any fire extinguishers in the office area and remember their locations. In the event of a fire, use the fire extinguisher(s) nearest to you to hit anyone slower than you out of the way or who is blocking your path to safety. The hose of the fire extinguisher can also be used to barricade doors by jamming the handles so as to prevent pesky people from getting in the way.

Due to cost issues, the emergency fire drill and warning bell, the break bell, the lunch bell, start/stop work bell, and the bell for arrival of customers will all sound exactly the same. Employees will be severely reprimanded if they are caught running out into the assembly point during working hours. When they are caught, the bell alarm will also sound to indicate this as a reminder to others. The bell alarm will also sound at random intervals to test that it is working properly, and sound at every hour of the day to remind of the time. occassionally, if the alarm sounds when it shouldn't, the alarm will sound to indicate this.